I hate cis people making me feel bad about my body
I hate cis people who get offended by my body
I hate my body having—always—to be a political site
I hate the idea that death is the first step in transition
I hate all the yappie talking heads that push the trans woman body in their 20/20 specials all between commercials for cleaning products, fast food chains, and car companies
I hate that ever autobiography I read about a trans woman starts off with “I use to try on my mothers/sisters clothes”
I hate that advice given to trans woman about hormones and surgery always is talked about with regards to our sex drive
I hate that people constantly want to know if i can still get “a boner”—including my family
I hate that I am talked down to about casual dating because I’m trans
I hate the expectation that something specific should be between my legs
I hate that the “queer” community is pretty informed about surgical options for trans men/masculine folx, but when I say “orchi” I get blank stares
I hate that moment when people realize that, yeah, in fact they have no idea what trans women experiences are like
I hate being an educator
I hate having to have to constantly take care of myself because of the constant bombardment of stupid bullshit that I am faced with.
I hate that when there is something medically wrong with my junk, I have to turn to a trans woman who lives half way across the country for advice
I hate that i can’t simply go into an ER when there is something medically wrong with my junk
I hate that I am not educated well enough about my body to know where and what is hurting me when there is something wrong with my junk
I hate that I don’t have terminology that I like for certain parts of my body
I hate that I can’t use most social network sites because their gender option in their profiles allow cis folks to treat me like I somehow misled them
I hate cis folks who tell me i’m pretty/flirt with me and bounce once they find out i’m trans
I hate that in the event I wanted to get an orchiectomy at a reasonable price and without the bullshit of having to get permission from another medical gatekeeper I would have to put up with being misgendered and patronized
I hate that surgical opportunities for trans women are always talked about through a misogynistic lens of “castration,” “getting your balls cut off,” etc.
I hate that there are no well produced or access information about surgical options for trans women.
I hate that we expect trans women to keep their body issues to themselves because it makes others uncomfortable
I hate when I read about women and trans health centers and know almost 100% that what they actually mean is women and trans men health centers
I hate that its cis women and trans men that get heard more often about the mis-use of the word “tranny”
I hate that its cis women and trans men who get heard more often in general
I hate that my body is constantly talked about using language that I don’t choose
I hate that I am treated like my body is an inconvenience
I hate that my body is only sexual when its a fetish
I hate that there is no porn that I can watch with bodies like mine where those bodies aren’t portrayed as exotic
I hate that for the most part, in any given situation, I’m usually the only person in the room with a body like mine
I hate that we are constantly fighting stupid battles about why trans women are actual fucking human beings
I hate the misogynistic attitude that trans men are heros, trans women are creepy
I hate that we can’t call misogynistic trans men misogynistic
I hate the rhetorical tactics that trans men use to avoid being held accountable
I hate that feminism gets to clam “transsexualism” only when its convient for them
I hate that the Capital “G”ay community gets to clame “transsexualism” only when its convient for them
I hate that the “queer” community gets to claim “transsexualism” only when its trans men, genderqueer, or any non-CAMAB people.
I hate that there are no famous trans women who get the money that Chaz Bono gets
I hate Chaz Bono
I hate that I am expected to have a specific teleology for my body, my narrative, and my life
“And don’t give me that, “Oh we reached out to communities of color but they didn’t come! It’s their fault for not participating!” Because that is just bullshit. The reason why POC don’t show up for your event/party/campaign etc is because there is no space made for them. Why would anyone want to enter a space where their voices, histories and thoughts are ignored? Why would anyone want to enter a space where folks were committing microagressions left and right? Moreover, who would want to be in a space that has historically excluded them?”—
I also love the paragraph after this one but it’s a short article and I’ve included links. This could be a good resource to send people if they don’t get why POC often don’t fell comfortable in many queer/trans* spaces.
“When the web started, I used to get really grumpy with people because they put my poems up. They put my stories up. They put my stuff up on the web. I had this belief, which was completely erroneous, that if people put your stuff up on the web and you didn’t tell them to take it down, you would lose your copyright, which actually, is simply not true.
And I also got very grumpy because I felt like they were pirating my stuff, that it was bad. And then I started to notice that two things seemed much more significant. One of which was… places where I was being pirated, particularly Russia where people were translating my stuff into Russian and spreading around into the world, I was selling more and more books. People were discovering me through being pirated. Then they were going out and buying the real books, and when a new book would come out in Russia, it would sell more and more copies. I thought this was fascinating, and I tried a few experiments. Some of them are quite hard, you know, persuading my publisher for example to take one of my books and put it out for free. We took “American Gods,” a book that was still selling and selling very well, and for a month they put it up completely free on their website. You could read it and you could download it. What happened was sales of my books, through independent bookstores, because that’s all we were measuring it through, went up the following month three hundred percent I started to realize that actually, you’re not losing books. You’re not losing sales by having stuff out there. When I give a big talk now on these kinds of subjects and people say, “Well, what about the sales that I’m losing through having stuff copied, through having stuff floating out there?” I started asking audiences to just raise their hands for one question. Which is, I’d say, “Okay, do you have a favorite author?” They’d say, “Yes.” and I’d say, “Good. What I want is for everybody who discovered their favorite author by being lent a book, put up your hands.” And then, “Anybody who discovered your favorite author by walking into a bookstore and buying a book raise your hands.” And it’s probably about five, ten percent of the people who actually discovered an author who’s their favorite author, who is the person who they buy everything of. They buy the hardbacks and they treasure the fact that they got this author. Very few of them bought the book. They were lent it. They were given it. They did not pay for it, and that’s how they found their favorite author. And I thought, “You know, that’s really all this is. It’s people lending books. And you can’t look on that as a loss of sale. It’s not a lost sale, nobody who would have bought your book is not buying it because they can find it for free.” What you’re actually doing is advertising. You’re reaching more people, you’re raising awareness. Understanding that gave me a whole new idea of the shape of copyright and of what the web was doing. Because the biggest thing the web is doing is allowing people to hear things. Allowing people to read things. Allowing people to see things that they would never have otherwise seen. And I think, basically, that’s an incredibly good thing.”—Neil Gaiman on Copyright, Piracy, and the Commercial Value of the Web (X)
Okay, well I’m actually probably PMSing, because this made me sob, too.
i am “wear dresses alone in my room so other kids don’t point and laugh” femme.
i am “how do i stop my body language from getting me made fun of” femme.
i am “how do i get my body to move that way again now that it’s safe” femme.
i am “ten layers of armor covering a tiny little girl” femme.
i am “she must be inside there somewhere” femme.
i am “ask for a doll and both my parents angrily say NO” femme.
i am “so not fucking socialized into behaving like this” femme.
i am “deeply-scarred faces aren’t pretty enough so why bother” femme.
i am “why did you call me a faggot that doesn’t even make sense” femme.
i am “sick of the taunts so i’ll go back to boy clothes until i can’t stand it anymore” femme.
i am “baggy layers of plain clothes on top, frilly underwear underneath as a compromise” femme.
i am “binge and purge” femme.
i am “maybe they’ll see me as a girl if i let them use me for sex” femme.
i am “the opposite of invisible” femme.
i am “feel good wearing it but don’t show me a mirror or i’ll cry” femme.
i am the purest case of “dressing up for myself, not for you” femme.
i am “trapped in a statue with only enough cracks to breathe” femme.
i am “the worst is over, but old habits die hard” femme.
i am “feel pretty or feel safe, you must choose” femme.
I… don’t understand how someone knows this about me. Crying.
“The real reason I’m praying that ”Hairspray,” the Broadway musical based on my 1988 movie, succeeds is that if it’s a hit, there will be high school productions, and finally the fat girl and the drag queen will get the starring parts.”—
Sitting in McDonalds on 103rd & 3rd I notice a couple staring at me and hear them say Indian. They walk towards me. The woman has white skin, blond hair, blue eyes. The man has ebony skin, black hair, brown eyes. Excuse me, says the woman, we were wondering where you were from. Yeah, says the man because you look like our people. I look at the whiteness and the blackness, wondering who their people are. We’re Puerto Rican, they say and walk away.
Walking to the store in Crown Heights I see an African-American man sitting behind a table selling incense and oils. He calls out, Sister, hey sister, baby, and then makes a noise like he’s calling a cat. I don’t respond. On the way back from the store he calls out, Mira, Mira, hey baby. In any language, English, Feline, or Spanish, I don’t respond.
I am buying lunch at the falafel stand on 68th and Lex and the man serving me asks, You from Morocco? No, I say, Cyprus. Where’s Cyprus? he asks. Above Egypt to the left of Israel and below Turkey. Oh, he says, looking blank. How much for a falafel, I ask? For you, three dollars. For Americans three fifty. I go to pay and another man stares hard into my face and says, Are you a Jewish chick? No, I say, leave me alone. I know who you are, he screams, I know who you are. You’re just a nigger from Harlem, passing for white with a phony accent. Nigger, he repeats as I walk away.
My boss calls me up. I have a funny question to ask you, he says. When you fill out forms what do you write for ethnicity? I check other, I say. Well, I have to fill out this form and it doesn’t have other. We look really bad on paper. all the positions of power are white and all the support staff are black. Could you be Asian?
I am with my Indian immigration lawyer. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? he says. Go ahead, I say, thinking he is going to ask me how I’ve reached my mid thirties and have never been married. But instead he says, I know you’re a Cypriot from London but do you have any Indian blood in you? There are so many mixed marriages these days and you look like the offspring.
I am at a conference and a European-American woman looks at me excitedly as though she’s just won a prize. Oh, I know where you’re from, she says, My daughter-in-law is an Indian with a British accent too. I’m not Indian, I say. She continues to not see me as she concentrates on hiding her anger for not winning the trophy in her self-imposed guess the ethnicity competition and then she walks away.
I go to lunch at the home of a friend whose family are Africans of the diaspora. They don’t ask me where I’m from. Later, my friend tells me, They’ve decided you’re A biracial Jamaican.
That evening, I’m at a poetry reading and an African-American woman crosses the room to ask me this question: Are you the colonized or the colonizer? What do you think? I ask. You could be both, she responds and walks away.
Do you all know about Tumblr Savior? As part of our on-going attempt to be more accessible, I want to let you all know about this add-on, which allows you to block keywords from ever showing up on your dash.
This is awesome for so many reasons. If you are anxiously awaiting the next episode of Dr Who and don’t want to see any spoilers, add it to your black list. If you are browsing in your school’s Disabilities Office and do not want to see naked people on your dash (not that this happened to me… while I wrote this…), add “nudity” and “porn” to your black list. If you have a phobia and do not want to see it, ever, add it to your black list. If there’s someone you’re following that you know you should not be following, but can’t bring yourself to delete, add them to your blacklist.
[Image description: A screenshot of Google Chrome showing the Savior set-up page.]
1. Go to that page, click the “add to Chrome” button and it will automatically download.
2. To use it, look for the Tumblr Savior icon, a small “T” in a box. It is located at the end of the URL bar by default. It’s circled in pink on the image
3. To set it up, right-click and select “options,” the second item down (shown in orange)
4. You can add terms that you never want to read posts about under the blacklist (circled in yellow)
5. You can change or disable TS at any time by right-clicking on the T again
Mozilla is more complex.
1. You need to install Greasemonkey, a script-editing plug-in, by going to that link and clicking the big green “Add to Firefox” button.
2. Restart your browser.
3. Go to the UserScripts page for Tumblr Savior. At the top of the page, click on the green “Install” button. It was hard for me to find amidst the ads, so here’s a picture.
[Image description: A screen shot of the installation page. The install button is on the top right side of the page and is circled in pink. A dialog box has popped up and at the bottom of it “install” is circled in purple]
4. That will pop-up an install prompt. Press “Install” again.
5. In the Firefox toolbar, go to Tools > Greasemonkey > Manage User Scripts
6. Click on Tumblr Savior, then right click. Some people are able to select “Edit” here. Clicking it did nothing for me. So instead,
6a. I right-clicked and selected “Show containing folder
6b. tumblr_savior.user will be the only thing in the folder. Right click on it and press “edit”
7. You may need to tell Windows what program to use to open this file. I recommend Notepad
8. It will look like this:
[Image description: A screen shot of some code, viewed in Notepad. One line is highlighted in red, the line below it is highlighted in green.]
9. You will want to edit the 10th and 11th rows. THe 10th row, highlighted in red, sets the blacklist, or items you will not see. The 11th row sets the white list, or items that the blakc list might try to block that you still want to see.
The script comes with some items already filled in. Remove or replace them. It is important to maintain the grammar, though. This means that you need [a single quote] [the thing you don’t want] [a single quote] [a comma]. So: ‘dr who’,’nudity’,’gif’,’miscarriage’
10. Make sure the final item ends with [a single quotation mark] [an end parenthesis] and [a semicolon]: ‘rape culture’);
11. When you are done, go to File > Save
12. You may want to test this by going to your dash, taking a term from the first post on there and plugging it into the Notepad document. Save and refresh Tumblr (possibly a couple times) and the post should disappear to be replaced by a placeholder with a click-through link. Don’t forget to edit the Notepad again, if you do want to see that search term.
There are also versions for Opera and Safari. I don’t have these programs so I can’t tell you how to set them up. Sorry!
“Whenever a conscious Black woman raises her voice on issues central to her existence, somebody is going to call her strident, because they don’t want to hear about it, nor us. I refuse to be silenced and I refuse to be trivialized, even if I do not say what I have to say perfectly.”—Audre Lorde (via blkcowrie)
Whether or not your dumb ass feels guilt is none of my concern. What concerns me is how you use your privilege to help others. I don’t give a shit what you do with your own time or your own learning. But if you’re not willing to step up to the plate and put yourself on the line when someone who is less privileged than you is being harmed, then you’re worthless to me.
Fuck your guilt.
Guilt is useless.
"I cannot hide my anger to spare you guilt, nor hurt feelings, nor answering anger; for to do so insults and trivializes all our efforts. Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action.”
Audre Lorde, “The Uses of Anger”